When Living Your Best Life “Gets In the Way”

If you guys have read this blog at all, then you know that my love-life is pretty much a s*&t show (keeping it clean, cause all-ages blog).  Well, unfortunately, that trend continues.

However, this last experience was not without its revelations.  Quick recap, dated a guy for five months.  We were not exclusive.  We agreed to this.  I don’t date more than one person at a time, but I did continue to visit my dating profile occasionally since not being exclusive yet was important to him.  He waited a very long time before meeting my daughter and some of my friends.  When this finally did happen, I thought it was a sign that we were moving forward. I mean, a guy that was super cautious about hurting my daughter’s feelings wouldn’t meet her and then break things off, right?  Wrong.

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I know these are just toys, but I until I find the real thing… a girl can dream

This time around I didn’t give my heart to him.  I held off since he was holding off.  So, I practiced some self-protection this time.  His reasons were kind of all over the place, so I never got a concrete, “This is why I am doing the thing.” from him as to why the breaking off of things. But from what I can best discern is, that he just didn’t want to be around me anymore because of my enthusiasm for nerdy things.

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As per usual, I began to gather all the things that were “wrong” about me, and why I was getting dumped into neat little piles of baggage that were now mine to lug around.  After all, I wasn’t “good enough”.  I wasn’t “right”.  He even said, “You’re great, but…” So, I thought, “Well, serves me right.  I shouldn’t have been so enthusiastic about my hobbies.  I shouldn’t have asked him to go to the movies with me so much.  I should have dressed differently around him.”  So, I lug these bags to the vault and open it and realize something.  Holy crap!  There’s nothing but cobwebs and dust in here!  I forgot I emptied this out a long time ago!  Do I really want to fill it up again?

The answer was, “No.”

I realized that all the things that he saw as “wrong” were exactly what is right about me.  I have a hobbies that I adore.  I have a tribe of friends that I also adore.  I’m crazy excited about movies.  I like dressing the way I do.  It took me a long time to find my style.  I’ll be damned if you think I’m gonna ditch it now!  I have a house that I pay for and take care of myself.  I have a great kid that is going to rule the world, you’ll see!  I handle my own s*&t.

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I honestly think that all the confidence and comfort on my part, made him feel bad about himself on his part.  There is literally nothing I can do to help someone like that.  I can thank him, though. Thank him for giving me the opportunity to take a quick inventory of my life.  I’m good, thanks for asking!

Love, Kim and Scout

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